Wishlist 2013
DALE’S CHRISTMAS
WISHLIST FOR 2010
1
James
Walsh
2006: That the
Chairman would be able to
hold a decent conversation after more than 3 beers.
Wish
NOT granted.
2007: That the
Chairman would stop
breeding lest we have a nation of red-haired freckled teenagers in
2020.
Wish NOT granted.
2008: That the Chairman
would return to the Iron Fist with which he ruled the GC in the
early years. The past year, in particular, has seen the chairman
arriving late or (unheard of in prior years) missing meetings
altogether and generally losing control. A firm hand on the wheel is
needed as we enter our 2nd Decade.
WISH
PARTLY GRANTED as evidenced by Mr Walsh’s FULL ATTENDANCE
– but vacuum, caused by rudderless ship, resulted in the PizzaGate
scandal that saw the resignation of Mr Welldone.
2009: That the Chairman’s
perfect attendance record of 2008 be repeated in 2009, even if it
means a Walsh divorce as a result of missing the Champagne Castle
timeshare week.
WISH NOT GRANTED – CHAIRMAN MISSED ONE
MEETING
2010: That, having reached
the top of the Cadiz corporate mountain, the boys of the GC who have
stuck with Mr Walsh when he was a coffee making appie on the floor
of the JSE, now finally be rewarded with some corporate hospitality,
insider trading info and general corporate waste splashed in the GC
direction. Also, that Mr Walsh be able to part ways with his beloved
ginger mo - Georgie, which we all know he has become secretly proud
of, and attached to.
WISH PARTLY GRANTED
2012: That Mr Walsh
finally be allowed to leave his office prison cell for 1 hour per
week to maybe have lunch with his mates or play in a golf day AND
that Mr Walsh admit that, like Mr Gibbs, he voted NO in 1993,
supported the CP and fired his poor maid simply because she was
black and in an effort to cover up the fact that Siobhan had
instigated an insurance scam in an effort to finally force Mr Walsh
to rid himself of his Toyota Corolla which he otherwise would’ve
driven until he was 95.
2
Mr Spencer
2006: That
Mr Spencer would admit
that he doesn’t give a shit about vintage cars and fine wines and
has been going down to Cape Town every weekend for the past 6 months
to get laid. Also, its no shame to use part of his trust fund
inheritance to pay for his girlfriend to move back to JHB and for
his father to find her a job at RMB.
Wish
granted
2007: That
Mr Spencer own up to the
fact that he doesn’t, after all, have a job and is living of his
trust fund. Also that he justifies his tag as “The next GC Member
most likely to marry”.
Wish not granted
2008:
That Mr Spencer and Mr I’ons admit that they are in a relationship
and that this is the real reason Mr Spencer was not able to live up
to the 2007 Wish above. In addition, that Mr Spencer admit to his
gambling addiction and return to his former glory days which saw him
capture the GC Man of the Year 2007.
Wish not granted
2009: That the GC X Return
to their initial hot-air-filled election promises of full GC X
attendance, exclusive deals at 5* Restaurants and boundless rewards
flowing from GC X membership - as opposed to the occasional
briefcase appearance, Wizzit embezzlement and baby draw to which
this once fine establishment has dwindled. Lastly, isn’t it time for
a new tie ??
WISH PARTLY GRANTED (NEW Tie)
2010: That Winston go on to
become “Global Mo of the Year” and that Mr Spencer, as the “eldest,
but only unmarried child” stop disappointing his parents and settle
down with a midget wife. WISH NOT GRANTED
2012: That Mr
Spencer FINALLY get married, start a Ponzi scheme from which the GC
men can benefit before his arrest OR that the GC come to the long
awaited fore and come up with some new innovations beside a tired
old parrot, a Super XV draw and an Oriental Plaza tie.
3
Mr I’Ons
2006: That
Mr I’ons would make just
one meeting on time and dressed appropriately.
Wish NOT granted.
2007: That
Mr I’ons, like his
Riversands housemate, would get a girlfriend, stop taking Thursday’s
evening meals and Tuesday’s washing home to mom and would stop
yo-yoing between Twiggy and Ollie le Roux on the scales.
Wish
CERTAINLY NOT granted
2008: That Mr I’Ons concede
that Wizzit is a pyramid scheme into which the members have
deposited their hard earned cash, never for it to be seen again. In
addition, as per 2007, that Yoyo I’Ons settle on a target weight
between 70 – 130kgs and aim to stay at this level rather than
experimenting with fad diets which lead to strip-offs in
international airports.
Wizzit Wish – Granted / Diet wish – partly
granted
2009: See 2007 wish.
Downgraded for 2009 to simply be Mr I’Ons taking a girl out on a
date. Also that Mr I’Ons place GC attendance above the Wednesday
evening spinning classes at Virgin Active.
WISH PARTLY GRANTED – Still no date although GC
now ranks above spinning
2010: After the 2009
successful sale of his “Phonetic Anthem” concept, that Mr I’Ons come
up with a concept to assist singers like Ras Dumisani in being able
to afford the purchase thereof.
Coming off a successful 2009
pick, the author’s 2010 Marriage Dark-horse is Mr I’Ons.
WISH
DEFINITELY NOT GRANTED
2012:
Ohhhhhh Mr I’Ons – what will we do with you ? Is it too much
to ask a 38 year old man to stop sitting in the back of his parent’s
car sipping milkshakes or to come to the odd meeting on time ? The
author’s wish for Mr I’Ons for 2013 is that one of his inventions
take off so that if Mr Spencer’s Ponzi Scheme fails, Mr I’Ons can
sort out an overseas “tour” for the boys.
4
Mr Lawson
2006: That
Mr Lawson will finally
move out of home, get a job, start dating girls old enough to drive
and basically BECOME AN ADULT.
Wish
NOT granted
2007: For the 3rd
year running, that Mr Lawson will finally move out of home and will tackle the Cape to
2008: Is Mr Lawson gay or
addicted to his mom’s cooking ? By Dec 2008, we hope these 2
questions are answered. WISH Partly granted (moved out of home)
2009: The Mr Lawson attend
more GC meetings than Chiropractic conferences and that he finally
give me Gibbs another chance to show his penis in another GC wedding
photos album.
Wish not granted on both counts – No wedding
on the horizon and Mr Lawson is still organising Chiropractic balls
on the 1st Wednesday of December.
2010: That Mr Lawson makes
millions on the successful sale of his life story which goes on to
become the 3rd blockbuster in the “batchelor trilogy”
alongside “The 40 Yr Old Virgin” and “Failure to Launch”
WISH
NOT GRANTED
2012: That Mr
Lawson finally win one of his 45- 47 ½ age group triathlons in
Chiangong, Peruvia or Guatamala so that he can get this phase out of
his system, settle down and give Mrs Lawson (Grannie) an opportunity
to take the pips out of the grapes for her grandchildren.
5
Mr
Wellbeloved
2006: That
Mr Wellbeloved would
attend at least one meeting before desert is served.
Wish NOT granted
2007: That
Mr Wellbeloved build
houses that last longer than Mr Gibbs’ continually collapsing
attempts.
Wish NOT granted
2008:
That Mr Wellbeloved admit the Sharks were lucky
to get to the Super 14 final in the 1st place. Further
that the boys FINALLY get an invite to Mt Edgecombe. Lastly, that Mr
Wellbeloved open a
2009: That Mr Wellbeloved
get through 2009 without forcing / causing the resignation of
another disillusioned GC member ala Mr Welldone, who, confused at
the alternating style of Hitleresque and then Houdini leadership of
Mr Wellbeloved, resigns in confusion.
Wish
Granted – no 2010 resignations at time of writing [ December meeting
still to occur though].
2010:
That Mr Wellbeloved stop
clogging our servers with backwards paddlers and the results of the
Great Hawaian U14 surfski event that he saw on Youtube. Also, enough
with the weight loss. Bring back the fatter, boozier jolly Bully who
bore a closer resemblance to Father Christmas rather than an AIDS
sufferer in their final hours.
Wish
PARTLY Granted.
2012: For those
new to the GC, or with less than perfect long term memories, Mr
Wellbeloved is a member who has been MIA for the last 3 yrs, shed
80% of his body-weight and occasionally shows his face when not
selling aluminium or surf-skiing in Durban. To show just how far
this former great has fallen, consider that he fell asleep at 6PM on
the Saturday evening of the GC 2012 Jozini tour ........ sadder than
seeing an HIV+ homeless orphan lying in the gutter. Our 2013 wish is
“Will the REAL Bully PLEASE stand up, please stand up .....”
Mr Rouse
2006: That
Mr Rouse would go back to
Gillette – what use is dog food compared to the closest shave a man
can get.
Wish NOT granted
2007: That the war in
Mr Rouse’s homeland end
and that Mr Rouse provide something more substantial than Mars Bars
for the boys – apparently SAB are looking for a new FD ?????
Wish
NOT granted
2008:
That Mr Rouse remain in one country longer than
one week and that the War on Terror be won.
Part
1 – Granted. Part 2 – certainly not granted as evidenced by current
tension in the
2009:
That Mr Rouse stop attempting
to poison members of the GC by providing expired foodstuffs at every
opportunity in order to bolster flagging sales. Whilst we at it. Is
it not about time that Mr Rouse admit publicly his personal view
that Smarties really are better than M&M’s. Wish partly granted -
2010: Nastrovia !! May 2010
see Russians switching in their droves from Vodka to Chocolate and
may Comrade Rouse return to grace us with his presence for at least
one meeting.
Wish GRANTED
2012: VInisa has
re-opened in Bedfordview. Can there be a more compelling reason for
Mr Rouse to stop running Mars for a few weeks and return to his
spiritual home for a Pollo with the boys in 2013 ?
Mr Roux
2006: That
Wiele surprise all the
gentlemen at the March 2006 GC with 2 free tickets for each lad to
the Robbie Williams concert.
Wish NOT granted
2007: That
Wiele admit that he is a
closet Sharks fan once and for all.
Wish NOT granted
2008:
That Wiele repeat his GC Evening of the Year performance of 2007
that remains one of the best evenings in the 10 year history of the
GC.
Wish NOT Granted
2009:
That Wiele come through with tickets for the 2009 British Lions
tests for the boys. Wish not granted
2010: With both the Super 14
and Currie Cup trophies once again in the possession of the Bulls,
surely it is time for Mr Roux to re-enact his award winning 2007
meeting ?
Wish NOT Granted
2012: That Wheels
admit that he has a drinking problem and that his arrest, and
subsequent bribery, of a police officer last year was symptomatic of
this. The 1st step is admitting it Wheels. AA are a
wonderful organisation – don’t face this journey alone. My wish is a
sober 2013 for Wheels.
Mr Clarke
2006: That
Mr Clarke sends an
apology more than 4 hours in advance of a meeting. Note to
committee: No more
2007: That
Mr Clarke put South
African hockey at the top of the world rankings and thank all the
boys for their amazing friendship with tickets to the 2008 Beijing
Olympics.
Wish Still pending
2008:
Olympic tickets are selling
like hotcakes …. 8 more months to go …
Wish not granted
2009:
That Mr Clarke continue to make the effort to pop
into a meeting when in JHB – it was great to see him at Ciao Baby in
the November 2008 meeting. Also, that Mr Clarke continues in his
coaching role with the SA Men’s Hockey side and that the GC attend
an international hockey match together.
Wish
partly granted – Mr Clarke is still coach
2010: The 2007 and 2008
wishes were perhaps not requested well enough in advance – with that
in mind, the GC are hereby officially placing their desire for 2012
London tickets on the table. Also, like Comrade Rouse, it would be
great to see Mr Clarke for a meeting in 2010.
Wish NOT Granted
2012: For five
sticks – what does a man have to do to get free Olympic tickets
nowadays. Get your bald head up to JHB to have a beer with the boys,
and offer an apology, in 2013.
Mr Jackson Jnr
2006: That
Mr Jackson jnr would
eventually get a girlfriend, or even just a date.
Wish NOT granted
2007: That
Mr Jackson jnr would stop
trying, in his attempt to obtain a girlfriend, to emulate Richard
Gere with his greying hair.
Wish NOT granted
2008:
That Mr Jackson jnr, like the darkest of dark horses, justify his
tag of Next GC Man most likely to marry. Further, with the stock
market increasing at 20% pa, what does it take to encourage a bit of
insider trading to start funding the next GC weekend away ?
STOCK MARKET WISH DEFINITELY NOT GRANTED.
2009:
That Mr Jackson jnr desist
from wearing some of his 2008 Fashion Statements / Disasters such as
the ‘Jeans with Blazer’ popularised by Mr Spencer and the Christmas
2008 monstrosity with the double back buckle. That he also now
justify his favourite tag, along with Mr Lawson, as next GC man to
be married. Wish MOST DEFINITELY granted
2010: That Mr Jackson jnr
purchase Mr Walsh’s recent publication – “How to survive living next
to your in-laws”. Also, that Mr Jackson completes both the London
and Comrades marathons for which he has entered without going on the
“fade away” diet popularised by Mr Wellbeloved.
Wish GRANTED
2012:
Mr Jackson’s attendance in 2012 has been appalling – his fall
from near perfect attendance grace is rivalled only by the member
formerly known as IMM – in 2013 it is hoped that he will return to
the GC in force and stop trying to become Appie of the Year to his
father-in-laws DIY skills.
Mr Huggins
2006: That
Mr Huggins could come to
a meeting in JHB without giving us a 2 hour rundown on the traffic
congestion on the N1.
Wish NOT granted
2007: That
Mr Huggins, the ice-cool
IMM, would break down and show the boys his soft, emotional side.
Wish
NOT granted
2008: That Mr Huggins would
arrange free insurance for all the chaps and admit to his sneaky
ploy to start a
2009:
That the 2009 GC Weekend Away be as much of a
success as Mr Huggins’ Sept 08 Mozambique weekend away.
WISH
NOT GRANTED – No 2009 WEEKEND AWAY
2010: That Mr Huggins admit
“sy bloed is blou”, be
blessed with a trouble free birth of his son Joshua in March and
that he stop sabotaging and booby-trapping the vehicles of his
mountain biking partners that saw the mysterious implosion of Mr
Lawson’s Jeep in 2009.
WISH PARTLY GRANTED.
2012: Where do we
start ......... the non-attendance at the annual tour which HE
organised ...... the patchy attendance record ...... or the fact
that since he has fallen in love he has CHANGED ....... the reality
is that 2012 will not be known as a year that IMM looks back on with
GC infused memories of pleasure. In truth, he flirted with his
former self when he organised a meeting for the boys in the
Presidents Box at Centurion for the Miway 20/20 but all in all it
was a Weldon-like year for our former hero. In 2013, we want Max
BACK !!!
Mr Stubbs
2006: That
Mr Stubbs would beat Mr
Gibbs in the duzi.
Wish ???? granted
2007: That
Mr Stubbs would play just
one round of golf sober to prove that he could have been a pro but
for the bottle. Wish NOT granted.
2008: That Mr Stubbs would
get a job at Microsoft and finally get paid for the job of website
developer that has consumed the majority of time over the past year
and that he has been doing for free to date. Further, that Mr Stubbs
would finally be voted GC Man of the Year and stop stabbing his
fellow members in the back to get this trophy.
Wish not granted
2009:
Now that Mr Stubbs has got a real job and stopped
breeding, that he return to his 1st love: The GC Website
and give it some of the love and attention it received in the 1st
two year’s of it’s existence. Note: Website was last updated July
2008.
WISH PARTLY GRANTED – at time of writing on
2nd Dec, website last updated on 16 August 2009 at 21:07
2010:
Forgot to do a 2010 wish for him
2012:
The GC website is, without
doubt, the crappest, most badly designed piece of technology outside
of the ANC Womens League. In fact, besides Mr Gibbs’ non-existent
annuals, it is the biggest disappointment in the last 15 years. And
we won’t even mention the annual “come to my place at the Vaal”
promise we’ve been hearing for the past 7 years. Step up or Step out
in 2013 Mr Stubbs.
Mr Jones
2006: That
Mr Jones would finally
get married.
Wish granted.
2007: That
Mr Jones would finally
admit that he loves his dogs more than any other human being.
Wish
NOT granted
2008:
That Mr Jones would overcome his rare skin
disease that prevents him going out in public and that when forced
to choose between poker or GC evenings, he in future makes the
correct choice or else faces being Gary-starred.
WISH
GRANTED
2009: That Mr Jones purchase
a jacket that isn’t cream. Beige, off-white, ivory or bone coloured
and that has been ironed at least once in the new millennium.
WISH
NOT GRANTED
2010: If he can build the
stadium AND arrange a pre-opening tour, surely a few tickets for, oh
lets say, a World Cup final are not asking too much........ We’ll
settle for a semi.
Wish NOT Granted
2012: From the man
who built the World Cup Final Stadium .... to the Man who builds
slime dams .......... An ignominious fall from grace if ever there
was one .... and one of the most selfish career moves ever made. Did
you even think of your mates when making that move Jones ? PS Is
there anyone else who is going to join Jacko jnr, Wellish and Jones
by living next door to in-laws or has this disturbing trend come to
an end now !! In 2013, make yourself useful, resign from building
slime dams and build the new Teasers Mr Jones.
Mr Gibbs
2006: That
Mr Gibbs would finally
produce the Yearbook he has been promising for two years.
Wish
NOT granted
2007: That
Mr Gibbs, who has had a
silver spoon his whole life due to working for daddy, would stop
bleating about not getting enough sleep, how much he hates the
Vikings and FINALLY produce the Yearbook he has been promising for
THREE years.
Wish NOT granted
2008:
That Mr Gibbs succumb to the Craig McDermott hair
transplant therapy. Further, that Mr Gibbs refrain from the
pressures of returning to daddy’s business in stick out his new
entrepreneurial adventure. PS We have given up on the Yearbook.
Wish
Granted
2009: That Mr Gibbs
win his long-awaited court case regarding the building that
“allegedly” fell down and stop appearing in Baby Magazines re the
“Gibbs Technique” for a Perfect Night’s Sleep.
WISH GRANTED
2010: That Mr Gibbs
successfully complete another Comrades, particularly as his body is
in significantly worse shape than the last time he did it 10 years
ago. Also, that his 4 year old dog finally graduate from the
beginners class at Puppy training. Oh, and when last did we have a
“Monkey Moment” .... surely time for another penis showing or Eagle
landing ?
Wish, NOT granted.
2012: OK, you had our
attention and sympathy at first with your cancer scare but it wasn’t
actually that big a deal given you were bald anyway. But lately
you’ve taken it too far by crawling up in the featal position in
hospital for 2 weeks with a stomach bug virus. In 2013 HTFU Gibbs.
Messrs Nielson and Bailey: Northern GC
2006: That
Messrs Bailey and
Nielson would return to
the
2007: That
Messrs Bailey and
Nielson would support the
Boks and not
2008: That
Messrs Bailey open his
holiday home to members throughout the year (provided security is
beefed up) Wish not granted
That Mr Nielson finally
recover from his Stubbs-like impersonation on the golf course at the
10th Anniversary Weekend Away that saw him collapse like
a SA World Cup cricket team, from which he has never recovered and
has not been heard from since. Wish partly
granted – Mr Nielson has moved back to JHB.
2009: That Mr Bailey make it
for a meeting in 2009 – his presence is missed.
WISH
NOT GRANTED
2009: That Mr Nielson remain
in one place (Cape, JHB or overseas) for one whole year and in one
job for one whole month. WISH GRANTED
2010:
If Mr Bailey can’t make a meeting, we’ll accept cash.
2010:
That Mr Nielson tie the knot with his namesake Paula. Also,
don’t Brandhouse produce alcohol ....... you do the maths
WISH
NOT GRANTED...
2012:
That Nielson be exposed as either the world’s best
photographer ... or a paedophile. Either way, that he stop living
his double life as a teller by day and a camera wielding triathlete
by weekend. Also, if you live in Cape Town for 4 years without
getting married, doesn’t that officially make you gay ?
Franna Banana
2006 & 2007:
N/A
2008:
That Mr
Banana continue as the GC member with the best nickname and
hopefully, by this time next year, not still be the Rookie in the
GC.
Wish not granted
2009:
That Mr
Banana continue with his outstanding commitment and enthusiasm for
the club and that the pullover / jersey that won him the Best
Dressed Award in Aug 2008 and was subsequently seen in the Sept, Oct
and November meetings continue to grace us with its presence in
2009.
WISH NOT GRANTED
2010:
That the quietest, most loyal member of the GC who
encapsulates our spirit and ethos continue to impress the gentlemen.
Wish GRANTED
2012:
That Mr Benade let his wild side come out and get arrested.
You know you want to.
Mr Sears
New member – December
2009-12-02
2010:
That Mr Sears cast aside the slur of being a KES boy and live
up to his Sports Billy reputation by arranging for the boys to go to
one unusual sporting event in 2010. Also, that Mr Sears is
successful in the 2010 Comrades in a heart-warming finish as he, Mr
Gibbs and Mr Jackson cross the line shoulder to shoulder.
WISH NOT GRANTED
2012:
That Sport Billy
switch allegiance from the wimpering Lions to the mighty Blue Bulls
now that the Pussy Cats are out of Super Rugby. Also, that Sears
finally step up to the plate and, in 2013, organise a sporting event
“with a twist” that he has been harping on about since joining the
Club. Lastly, it is getting embarrassing that you know absolutely
NOTHING about sport – brush up in 2013 !!
Mr Jackson Snr
2008:
That Mr
Jackson snr would arrange a photo with William Webb Ellis.
Wish not yet granted
2009:
Mr Jackson snr’s wish for 2009 is that
(1) One BIG night be held
somewhere within the next 12 months (excludes Weekend Away and any
weekend meeting) and WISH NOT GRANTED (despite Bully’s efforts)
(2) that at least one new
member be inducted in 2009 to
replace Mr Welldone and continue bringing in new blood and
(WISH
GRANTED – MR SEARS)
(3) the boys attend at least
one sporting event together in 2009. GRANTED –
2009
British Lions vs Golden Lions match.
Mr Jackson snr’s 2010 wishes are as follows:
(1)
That Bafana Bafana
make it past the 1st round in the World Cup and that the
tournament is a massive success
(2)
That a GC weekend
away be held in 2010
Mr Jackson snr’s 2012 wishes
are as follows:
- That Mr Walsh enrol his
son at Jeppe
- That more guests are
invited to the monthly meetings
- That plans begin for
the 20 year reunion
Mr Weldon
2006: That
Mr Weldon stop
impersonating
2007: That
Mr Weldon stay in a job,
or a city, for longer than it takes to boil an egg.
Wish
NOT granted.
2008:
That Mr Welldone begin
organising the GC 20 Year Anniversary as penance after being the
only member to miss out on the 10 Yr Anniversary.
RESIGNED
MAY 2008